the Bitch reveals

bitch no 1

she seems to be the perfect dream girl for all guys...senang citer...kira calon menantu yg terbaek ahh...lemah lembut, cantik, hormat orang tua...bla bla bla...kire complete package la nak jadi isteri yang solehah...and this guy, like other guys...sudah tangkap cintan...but he's lucky because he managed to capture her heart...bercinta la mereka...happy forever la konon....

along the way...gaduh2. standard la tu...bercinta, of course they are always some misunderstanding...tapi rupanya diorang ni tidak...gaduh maut sampai putus....the reason, he found out that this so called sweet girl sudah main belakang dengan lelaki lain....sape tak panas beb!

so both of them berpisah....and the guy frust gila tak ingat nye! after so long, he eventually knows the truth..that the girl has been a bitch since like forever...and coverline nye sangat cemerlang! tinggalah the guy...heartbroken and heartless..

bitch no 2

not perfect at all, basic ada la...tapi takdelah hot sangat...bebiasa je....nak dijadikan cerita, this girl met the same guy from bitch no 1. she told him that she was a bicth and maybe still. the best part is the guy terima this girl...have no idea why but maybe its true la orang cakap..love is blind...

along the way, gaduh gak....maneleh tak gaduh langsung in a relationship kan..but the sweet part is diorg still hold on to each other...both belajar terima masing2 nye perangai...and until today, they are happy together..

conclusion:

so....which bitch are u?!!

everyone deserve to be happy, despite ur a bitch or an angel.. its how we determine life...

bottom line is, honesty...kalau kita boleh belajar sayang, percaya and trust our partner...everything will be much easier, not to say perfectly smooth but at least certain things boleh settle cara baik.....oh what a life!!

selekeh girl in the mirror

hoi! selekeh nye awak!! my mom shouted... *erkkk....aku blurr*

i ran to my room....tengok cermin....hurmmm...

ok je wa tengok muke wa....hodoh la skit...but that does'nt mean i'm selekeh kan...

rambut wa kaler kan main....blonde lagi! up to date pe....apa lagi yang selekehnya??

dressing....jeans n t-shirt....ok la tu! baru la rock...sesuai ngan jiwa wa...

make up?? ermm...kureng skit tapi ok ok la.....takde la sampai tukar muke jadi anak patung..

so which part yang wa selekeh ni? still blur......

then i looked into the mirror again....and again.......tryin to figure out what is so selekeh about me..! suddenly wa nampak ada air mata ngalir.....cam tetiba je sebak...

wa tak toleh...i keep on staring at myself.....

i think ive found the answer...my mum think that im selekeh because of my inner self...not my appearance....

after so long living in this world....i havent found anything in life that complete me...im just too selfish, doing things for my sake...without thinking about anyone else...

tapi kan....inilah diri wa...wa confuse...kenapa life wa mcm ni?wa dah jadi baik..takde org appreciate...wa jadi jahat..lagi la orang benci....sampai at certain point...wa rasa mcm wa ni elok duk dalam bilik tak yah jumpa orang....orang mungkin tak dapat faham wa...kenapa wa jadi mcm ni....

they always see me laughing bagai nak gila....gelak macam petir...tapi itu semua sementara....

kadang2 when im alone....all my nightmares datang attack wa....i felt so fragile...wa sendiri takut bila wa jadi gila....

betulla my mom cakap...hidup wa ni memang selekeh....takde pun yang pernah betul....ada je wa buat silap..i tried to learn...wa kene ada org pimpin wa...tapi kebanyakan pimpin separuh jalan je...then lepas balik....but i dont really salahkan diorg....they are scared and tak tahan dgn perangai wa kot....wa redha je la....

ini lah hidup selekeh wa...ive tried hard to be the best....maybe i need more time to be perfect like others....wa tak pernah nyesal....wa dah biasa...sbb tu kalau sekali sekali im happy...i will treasure it forever....sbb org slekeh mcm wa ni.....belum tentu akan dapat happiness for real....

i will be a better me....wa nak semua org cakap wa ni cantik...bukan rupa...appearance hot ke apa...but lovely in the inside....wa nak jadi yang terbaik...for myself.....bukan perempuan tak guna lagi........

i hope my life will be teratur lepas ni....tanak selekeh2 dah!!!

wa tengok dalam mirror lagi...wa wipe off my tears and slowly wa pusing...hoping that i will never look back and see that selekeh girl in the mirror ever again......

numb di hari raya.

i woke up feeling numb...
tangan kebas, otak beku.
hari ni hari raya, tapi kenapa aku sedih?
but what difference does it makes?
every other day selama aku hidup pun aku sedih...
but this time...aku rasa lain...
kosong..empty...numb...
aku dah hilang diri aku, i think...
mana aku nak cari aku
aku hilang....aku lost...
aku bukak lagu cry from rihanna...
aku nyanyi...aku nangis..
oh my heart....please dont be sad...
he'll come back...
itujela yang aku slalu cakap...nak sedapkan hati sendiri...
but the truth is...takda siapa tahu...
i guess i'll just wait...
and in the mean time....i have to find myself back..
i need to be here if he happens to come back...
tapi..is he gonna come back?
and thinking of that....i cried again.....

selamat hari raya semua....selamat hari raya cinta...
selamat tinggal aku.

Am I Alone??

I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will go some day.

not so happy mode

hot! weather,hati semua panas!! i hate it when i feel this shit. people will say,relax its normal bla bla bla...but deep down..siapa tahu. yes there are always a solution to everything. but...what if im yet to find it. how long must i bare this in my head.gila! i just cant take it anymore. i know i cant just run from it..but is it ok if i walk away slowly?ok fine. i will not...i guess ill just have to figure it one at a time.just like my ceramic white told me...jangan nak jumble semua problem and try to be a hero to solve everything at one time.memang lagi serabut! ceramic white is absolutely right...i kept everything too long and suddenly im stuck with it.ishhhh!!! lets see how i can manage this. from tomorrow onwards i will be more focus and settle it one by one. slowly i will be happy. i know. i terlalu ikut trend sekarang, everything nak instant...haiihh!! i have to learn to be more sabar....oh wish me luck!

MU vs OTHERS

kenapa bila MU menang..penyokong lain diam..but when MU kalah..they are all screaming and shouting as if its the last game of them all..i wonder why.why.why? what's wrong with MU winning and why cant they just accept the fact that they are good. dengki?yeah maybe..because dah jadi macam 'penyakit'. people cant accept things that is good,full stop. ada saja yang salah..have you heard..alah,nasib je tu menang..politics la.bla bla bla. why do we always have that negative thoughts when it is supposed to postive? i wonder how are we supposed to be united,not manchester when a simple thing like a ball game like this can lead to a very serious misunderstanding and boleh buat gaduh woo!! it is so sad but so true..btw,it was a glory night huh?oopps! :)

sometimes its ok to CRY

i remembered i was talking to my friend one day. i was telling her about my dark history. she was stunned,overwhelmed, shocked and cried. while i just looked at her and smiled,i said dont cry.it was all past and infact i dont want to remember anything, anymore. she asked me how can i be so cool.how can i be so strong. i just smiled,again. in my life, i've been smiling and acted like i have nothing to worry about.sad is never in my dictionary. but suddenly i felt this urge to cry. i dont know why.does that mean i'm not strong anymore? or does that mean i am not happy anymore?

NO!i am still that strong girl who turned out to be a stronger woman..

i think sometimes its just ok for you to cry.let it all go.just dont let people know.